we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
