wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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