Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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