We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
