I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
