this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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