Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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