the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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