break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
