I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
