idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
