He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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