I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
tell me about the eggs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
