the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
