So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize