I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
