Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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