czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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