The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
