I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
