I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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