I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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