So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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