why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
