Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
two words: eviction party
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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