Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize