swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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