Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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