your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
