doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
