At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
