i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
