butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize