I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize