That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
