She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
