I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
