the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize