i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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