when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
