im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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