I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
