So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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