The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
