Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
