just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
