Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i barfeds in our rink
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
