Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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