why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
