At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
