she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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