Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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