Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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