i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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