Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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