When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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