Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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