11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
