saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
