wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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