but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
