i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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