I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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