I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am available for nakedness
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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