Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
