Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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