yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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