hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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