He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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