you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
