called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
