Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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