Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
