If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
