u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
