Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
