Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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