This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
