Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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