she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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