last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize