i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
