These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
