Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
