I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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