I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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