i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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