Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Who died my cat blue again?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
