i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
