I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
