My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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