I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
