The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
