My friends, they love my intelligence
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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