when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize