lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
