dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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