He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
