you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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