Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
