At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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