Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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