oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
