): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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