should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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