dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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