Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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