Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
